Achoo

Recently, the ascent of Ozempic and Wegovy as weight loss medication has seen reports of side effects that can be as severe as rare eye conditions causing blindness. But let’s face it: every drug has side effects and if you start reading the packaging information on any drug, no matter how safe, you’d think you are about to die a long and painful death. But this is just because regulators require pharma companies to acknowledge even the rarest cases.

So, just for fun, here is what the safety information for sneezing would look like if it were a regulated drug (with thanks to Prof. Adam Taylor from Lancaster University who collected these).

“Along with its needed effects, a medicine may cause some unwanted effects. Although not all of these side effects may occur, if they do occur they may need medical attention.

Check with your doctor immediately if any of the following side effects occur:

• Dislocation of dental implants into the sinuses (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27574611/)

• Blurred vision and inability to move the eyes (https://www.ajo.com/article/S0002-9394(02)01388-0/abstract)

• Fracture of the eye socket (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4520035/)

• Herniation of the lung through the muscles between the ribs (https://journals.lww.com/bronchology/abstract/2014/01000/a_painful_sneeze__spontaneous_thoracic_lung.12.aspx)

• Tearing of lung tissue (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3665065/)

• Life-threatening rupture of the aorta (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16189052/)

• Brain haemorrhage (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4312642/)

• Ejection of intestines (https://pubs.sciepub.com/ajmcr/12/6/1/index.html)

So better to hold in the sneeze to avoid the risk of ending up like John Hurt in Alien.

Alas, here are the known side effects of holding sneezes in:

• Fracture of bones inside the ears and hearing loss (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6721908/)

• Fractures of bones in the face and subcutaneous emphysema (https://rmlg.uliege.be/article/3653?lang=en)

• Damage to the larynx (voice box) (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1879729611000238)

• Tearing the windpipe (https://casereports.bmj.com/content/16/12/e255633)

Unknown and undocumented side effects:

• Eyes popping out of their sockets.”