It’ll get better as you age

They say young people should enjoy life because it is the best time of their lives. I always thought I was an outlier because when I was in my twenties, I didn’t have such a great time emotionally. I was insecure about a lot of things, sometimes bordering on shyness and my ability to regulate my emotions was not that great. 

Things have gotten much better now that I am in my forties. I know what I am good at and what I am not. And I know what matters in life and what doesn’t. For example, I don’t care anymore about advancing in my career, getting a promotion, or a fancy title. When I left university, one of my goals was to become a managing director within 10 years or less. I achieved that goal but it didn’t make me happy. Because even if you win the rat race, you are still a rat. Today, I know that I rather have a job where I can work with people I get along with and on topics that I am passionate about. 

Mind you, people still drive me up the walls sometimes and I still have not learned how to suffer fools gladly. But I have learned to be more emotionally balanced and not get too involved with the fools that make me unhappy. Besides, it’s not worth arguing about most of these things anyway. Instead of arguing with them, I just explain to them why I am right and then let history be the judge. 😉

Some time ago, I read an excellent interview with psychologist Susan Turk Charles that showed to me that I am in fact not an outlier, but that emotional stability and emotional wellbeing increases with age.

Reading a study on how people perceive their mortality risks when asked about annuities indirectly confirmed this observation. Giovanna Apicella and Enrico de Giorgi looked at the American Health and Retirement Study and the subjective life satisfaction of different households. The clue: They looked at households two to three years apart between two subsequent surveys and split up the households by age and health condition of the respondent. In general, life satisfaction increased more for older households whether they stayed healthy or not. Astonishingly, when older people became afflicted with a severe health issue like diabetes or a heart condition, life satisfaction increased more than when they became afflicted with a minor health issue like high blood pressure.

Increase in life satisfaction is higher for older people, even when they get sick

Source: Apicella and de Giorgi (2021).

There is, of course, the stereotype of grumpy old men (and women), but that seems to be linked not to age in general, but to mental decline. People who don’t use their brains and suffer mental decline tend to become more and more unhappy as they lose control over their emotions and their emotional wellbeing.

Overall, then, here is one thing that may not get worse with age: Your emotional wellbeing as long as you keep your brain fit and active. Use it or lose it is the one cliché that seems to be right.